No one probably cares or will even read this. This is for me & if anything were to happen to me and if I was no longer here, it's for Scarlet, too. I want her to know how much I love her. How easily it is to love your child when you know NOTHING about them. 9 months (well for me 8) is a long time to carry a child, but nothing compares to holding your baby for the very first time.
So here it goes. My side of the story:
At the beginning of my pregnancy, my progesterone level was really low. Basically the nurse told me I was at a high risk for miscarriage. Luckily enough, they gave me some medicine that fixed that problem by my next visit. My pregnancy was a really enjoyable pregnancy. I had REALLY bad morning sickness that lasted my entire pregnancy but feeling my sweet baby girl move made me look past the sickness. Every doctor appointment was awesome & healthy. I did go to the ER once for what I thought was a heart attack (no seriously). Embarrassing enough, they diagnosed me with Pleurisy. Nothing serious, just really painful to breathe. I was terrified though!
April 12th I had some really sharp pains in my back & period like cramping. I called and asked if this was normal and they said "possibly, but it could also be pre eclampsia, just keep an eye on it". Well, I dont think anything could be serious because that just doesn't happen to you. Like, you only hear about that kind of stuff from tv or other people!
On April 18th 2012, Joel and I went in for the start of the 2 week visits. Everything seemed normal until the nurse came in to check my blood pressure. The look on her face really freaked me out. All she asked was, "Have you been feeling ok"? Well, yeah, just had every pregnancy symptom there is! So she went on to check my pressure again. I just looked at Joel like I had just seen a ghost. What did this mean? Why was she acting so weird? She simply said "Your blood pressure is high". Told me to go pee in a cup and come back and lay down on my left side.
Literally 2 minutes later (compared to about 45 min on a regular visit) my doctor came in with the nurse. She just kind of explained that I could have preeclampsia and they wanted to do a Fetal Stress Test. Scarlet was perfect & content on being inside my belly. The doctor came back in and told me she wanted to see me back Friday and that I needed to do a 24 hour urine sample. ON MY BIRTHDAY, lame.
That obviously didn't go as planned! I was a mess. Terrified that I'd have to delivery early. (Little did i know!) Terrified that I would die during child birth or Scarlet wouldn't make it. !!!! Way to leave a pregnant woman hanging on the details!
All day Thursday (did i mention it was my birthday?!) I had to pee in a cup and pour it into my jug. I was a little bored with the idea by the time it was time to take it to the hospital. All day I just kept thinking something bad is going to happen. I was sick to my stomach about it all. I remember my feet were about 3 times the size they usually are. Ice & elevating them didn't help. My face was red and swollen. My fingers looked like sausage. Obviously something wasn't right.
Friday afternoon (WHY I PICKED A LATE APPOINTMENT, IDK!) Joel and I went in to see what was going on. The doctor said I was just shy of being preeclamptic. She said that it doesn't mean I wont be or that I'm free from it all. She wanted to push for 36 to 37 weeks if I did become preeclamptic to deliver. She put me on bed rest & told me that if I had severe headaches that I needed to go to the hospital. My next appointment was Tuesday. All weekend I sat on my butt, well I guess not really, I didn't think I was going to die if I got up to fold laundry. GEEZ!
Monday evening Joel and I were sitting on the couch watching tv. Around 8ish I started blacking out. All I was doing was laying on the couch. No movement, nothing. The room would turn black and the sounds became kind of distant. It didn't last but a second. I would see stars when I went back to normal. I honestly didn't think ANYTHING of it. I have had that problem earlier before all this preeclampsia stuff went down. I was texting my mom and she asked how i was feeling and I told her I was blacking out. She told me I needed to call my doctor and see if thats normal. Sure enough, it wasn't. The on call nurse kind of yelled at me, "This is nothing to mess around with! Its very serious! Go to the hospital NOW." Fine. I was scared, and a little embarrassed because of the last time I went to the hospital for something. Locked the dog in the cage and went to the hospital, bagless. I thought for sure they would just send us home. :/
When we got to the triage, the nurse hooked me up to everything. She left and came back and said, "Well its a good thing you came in." hmmm, I never knew what that meant. They kept me over night. Not one minute of sleep entered my body. Anytime I had to pee (which was a lot considering they made me drink lots of water and I was 8 months pregnant!) I had to call for the nurse to come and wheel my stuff over to the bathroom and assist me in. Again, I was peeing in a cup! Finally the morning came after the longest night ever! Joel had to go to work at 7. My mom came up to be with me so I wouldnt have to be alone. The nurse came in and took some blood work to get it tested.
My doctor came in about 8. Joel was back and my mom had left. She said that when the blood work came back in a few hours, they would be able to tell if I needed to be induced or get to go home. I ordered some pancakes and tried eating. Seconds later i puked them up. And again, puked something up. YUM! I was so nervous. When i get that nervous about something, I puke.
Doctor came in and said, "Well. We need to get this baby out. Your liver & platelet counts were going wacky. You are past preeclamptic. You now have hellp syndrome. Better to get that baby out now!" (a link to explain what it is. I have gotten a lot of questions about hellp syndrome) I think i actually felt my heart drop and land in my underwear. I couldn't believe it. I was so not ready for Scarlet to come yet. I hadn't even taken my birthing class yet! Still puking and nervous, they moved me to another room & then another one. Finally all set in my labor and delivery room, a NICU nurse came down to explain a few things. I just kind of thought, what is she doing here? I will be fine. The doctor said she had no worries about everything being ok with the baby.
I really feel like the entire day was a blur. I couldn't eat - the last time I ate (and kept down) was the night before at dinner. They got me all hooked up to everything there ever could be hooked up to. The BP thing went off every 2 minutes to take my BP. That thing hurts! They gave me cervical thinners and by noon they gave me pitocin to help contractions come. I honestly had blissful contractions. None of them were painful. I was about 4 cm when they offered me the epidural. I was hesitant, I wanted to wait because I didn't want it to wear off too soon. The nurse told me to get it now if I wanted one. The longer you wait, the higher chance they wont be able to give one. So, I decided to get it. Easy peasy. They came in around 4 to break my water. I asked the nurse if I was peeing on her. I couldn't tell! I was numb! I was kind of stuck at 4 for a few hours. Then 6 cm came around and the contractions weren't as blissful anymore...the right side of my body was in so much pain. They gave me about 3 more doses within 2 hours but nothing worked. Around 8, I was screaming and crying so hard. All the contractions you get throughout the abdomen gathered to one side called a "hot spot". So, basically all the contractions hit me with no medication on one side of my body. My mom heard me from down the hall and came running...the nurse came in and here I was at 9 1/2 cm. I needed to push!!! Half hour later came Scarlet Rose Leonhardt, 7 lbs 6.6 oz 19 inches long. 5 weeks early.
From the very last push I dont remember a single thing! I remember hearing voices, but never got what they were saying. My doctor injected me with a pretty heavy painkiller that knocked me out. 45 minutes later I woke up to a Miami heat game on the tv and saw Joel on his phone, but NO BABY.
I had to ask what was going on. Joel filled me in with what he knew. The nurse helped me onto a wheel chair and wheeled me to my postpartum room. Finally, they wheeled me up to the 3rd floor where the "more intense" NICU was. They told us to wash our hands, put on gloves, put on an apron and go in. I had never seen anything like this. Rooms with incubators, rooms with parents sleeping, nurses quietly working. It was dark and sad looking. We reached her room. There she was.
I just cried. The whole night. I didn't sleep. I finally got some food in my system. I made Joel sleep up in her room with her while my mom came back and slept in my room to keep me company.
Every time I went to see her I felt sick. Nothing seemed normal. I had never in my dreams pictured itd be this way. I felt helpless, like a useless mother.
Finally, 2 days later. I got to hold her. It was brief. They didn't want to wear her out. She needed little stimulation so her rate rate wouldn't give her brady's (bradycardiac - basically a dip in the heart rate). Scarlet basically got kicked out of her room on the 3rd night due to other babies that needed the room. On the 2nd floor is another NICU. She spent another week and half in there.
Every 3 hours was feeding time, diaper changing time & the nurse did a full check of her vitals and such. In the NICU, it's a place of taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back. That's what happened with Scarlet. They would test her ability to breathe on her own and if it didn't do too well, they increased the oxygen level.
FINALLY they told us we would be going home. We were so excited...the nurse and doctor came back. Scarlet had been having bradycardiacs for awhile now. She would stop breathing to the point where they told us she turned grey. Heart rates for babies are normally 130s-160s...she had gotten to a 30. From then, they keep a baby for 5 days after a brady to know for sure if they would have anymore. This was a Thursday that they told us, but the bradys had been going on since Sunday before, and we were just finding out. Somehow, the messages weren't being relayed to the right people. I was FURIOUS! My stomach was in knots all over again. The nurses from then on told us EVERY detail they knew. They gave us a post partum room to stay in so we could be close to Scarlet.
Scarlet had a few more brady's. Some were because of feedings, some weren't low enough to keep her any longer than she needed. That following Wednesday, they basically gave us a bag full of diapers, formula, and other goodies and told us to leave.
Lunches were spent with Joel's parents. Dinners were spent with my parents. My grandmother (who is no longer with us) got to see Scarlet in the NICU. I am so thankful for letting her see her just once. I remember crying when she came because having her support meant a lot. My family was so supportive and kind through this. I sure did find out who my real friends were through this tough experience and I thank them for being there for me.
And thats that. Everyday with Scarlet is a blessing. Nights still consist of no sleep, I still like to watch her breathe. I can still see vivid images of her in the NICU. I dont want anymore kids. I can't imagine going through this experience again. My heart hurts for those I hear or see go through it.
Sorry, this was long and I am sure I am leaving important pieces out. But, this is something I want to share with Scarlet someday. Her life and her story makes me appreciate life and the little things that come with it. God is a mysterious God, and he works in incredible ways.
-Cindy
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