Anyway, i have been typing up my experience of my pregnancy, delivery and the time we spent in the NICU with Scarlet. I want to remember every detail that happened. Since I have a 2 1/2 month old baby, finding time to write it out and close my eyes to remember it all is kind of hard!
With all my friends having their babies and seeing them hold their sweet baby hours after delivery makes me a little, well, jealous. Not an emotion I should be feeling. I am so happy for my friends and love seeing them as a happy, new family!
But, i can't help to wonder what that feels like. To hold your baby after having gone through labor, to even just touch their small features. I wonder what it feels like to show off your baby to all your family and friends when they come to the hospital to visit. To be up all day/night with a BRAND new baby, not a 2 week old. I missed that beautiful experience. I popped the baby out & 2 hours later I got to watch my baby hooked up to monitors, lines in her mouth, nose, arms, legs.
Now that she's out of the NICU, 2 months later, I have grown past the heart ache I felt, the anxiety I couldn't overcome, and the tears I couldn't stop once they started. Scarlet is perfect and such a joy in our lives! My mind still wanders to that time but sometimes it feels like it was so far in the past. Scarlet is so healthy (minus the reflux). She wanted to prove to us how strong she is!
My life has never been the same nor will it ever be. This love I share with Scarlet means the world to me. Watching Joel take care of her definitely warms my heart. He is so incredible with her.
I dont want anymore children. I dont want to take the chance of experiencing that again. No one knows how horrible it feels until you go through it yourself, which I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy!
Anyways, this was something I needed to vent about...
